Hello Have You Seen My Goat?
by Trishata96
Summary: "See those templars? They're sleeping." "No they're not." "Yes they are." "Prove it." "Fine I will." Why you shouldn't take Anders shopping with you.


**Have You Seen My Goat?**

Lowtown Market was chaotic. Now it's usually like that, but it was chaotic compared to one of it's normal days. Which is saying something. All the farmers from around Kirkwall to trade livestock and produce.

It was also the perfect opportunity to get herbs and healing regents for potions,

Well that was how Anika had persuaded Anders to come along and away from that blasted Manifesto. Her lover needed some fresh air. Thought the main reason she'd wanted to go was to get some specific ingredients, a pair of gloves and a scarf now that winter was coming. Anika may be a mage and a adventurer but she was still a woman. She was entitled her girly times.

The Templars were around the market as the ingredients were a good bait for apostate mages hence Anders was fidgety as Justice stirred within.

Luckily, Anika was dressed in plain, common clothes, so no one recognised her and tried to shove their goods in her face. There were disadvantages of being Lady Amell's daughter. Another was being made to dine with noble's sons and resist the urge to freeze their balls.

Anika glanced over to where her lover was. Anders was haggling with a farmer over some herbs. She returned her attention to the scarves for sale. She couldn't make her mind up though. Should she go for the azure blue, her favourite colour, or the burgundy, to match her hair.

"I'd say blue love. It really suits you more." Whispered Anders down her ear and putting an arm around her waist.

"Thank you sparkle-fingers. Got all your ingrediants." She asked, paying for the scarf.

"Yes everything I need. Oh and Varric sent a messenger. He wants to see us in the Hanged man." He replied, putting the scarf around her neck and offering her the crook of his elbow. Threading her arm though it, they set off.

Outside the Hanged man, there were the livestock pens. Goats and sheep were relentless in their baas and bleats. Then Anders stopped walking and chuckled to himself.

"What? What is it?" Asked Anika, slightly confused. Anders pointed to two Templars leaning against the wall near the stairs. Both had their helmets on and arms crossed.

"See those Templars, They're sleeping." Anika shook her head.

"No. They're not." She said. The Templars rained their men better than that. Plus she doubted Cullen or Meredith would allow that.

"Yes, they are." Insisted Anders, a cheeky tone creeping into his voice. Anika folded her arms.

"Prove it." She demanded in a serious tone. Anders smiled as if he'd anticipated that.

"Fine. I will. But I get to name a prize. Agreed?"

"Deal but if they're awake. You trade places with the dog." Anders made a face at the thought of being made to sleep in the Mabari's basket and set off in a determined stride. He went over to the goat pen right in front of the Templars and just waited.

Then Anika felt the familiar tingle of magic beong called upon.

_He isn't going to cast a spell right in front of them_

She thought in horror.

Anika looked on in shock as Anders turned one of the goats into a frog when no one was looking.

But… the Templars didn't do anything. They didn't even flinch.

Anders walked over a triumphant grin on his face and closed Anika's mouth.

"Told you so." He said, smugly. "Fast asleep on their feet. Always the same in every country." Anika was speechless, even when the owner of the goats began asking passer-byes:  
"Hello. Have you seen my goat?"

"So mages can turn people and animals into frogs?"

"Yup. Did that once to a bunch of Templars to escape from the circle. The Orlasian Knight-Divine was over and he wanted frog leg soup."

"Is it permanent? Cause that is sort of cruel to that poor man."

"It's only lasts for five minutes." He said, leading Anika into the Hanged man.

Nobody noticed the frog hop up onto the crates next to one of the Templars, then into his armour.

Exactly four minutes later Knight-Captain Cullen came to inspect the two Templars.

In the following incident these words were said:

"Ah! There is my goat!"

About an hour later at the blacksmith's:

"May I have my goat back please?"

**You can blame my brother, Daniel, for this plot bunny. It came up during one of his attempts to kill me via laughter. For goat man's voice, imagine Borat's voice.  
**


End file.
